hilarious prediction

This is from some website I was redirected to from Facebook:

Snake in the January 2010

Bravo for having survived the crush of the 2009 holiday season. I know it wasn't your favorite time of the past Ox year. But here comes a month made just for you languid Snakes who enjoy staying cozy under the covers reading good books and drinking exotic teas. During this final month and a half of the Earth Ox year, you can literally bask under a down comforter and wax philosophical. There should not be huge demands made on your energies and that is precisely the way you like it. Your love life promises to be rather placid and even peaceful at this time. The person you are attached to adores you and caters to your every whim. You thrive when treasured for your beauty and sense of style. A few snags might come along in the form of aches and pains or skin eruptions you were not expecting. Instead of taking painkillers, investigate alternative therapies. You may be suffering from an excess of a certain food to which you are allergic. An unfortunate female family member has been much on your mind lately. You wish you could assist her in some way. But your hands are tied. You have your own personal commitments to deal with and cannot spare either money or lodging for this cousin or sibling or aunt. If you are contemplating plastic surgery, this is a good time to begin researching the matter. Be certain to get solid references and advice from people who have "been there done that" with excellent results. It's January. Chill.

I told you it was hilarious.

1. I'm quite happy it's a month that I can chillax in, but I don't drink exotic teas. However, I'm that atas you know. HAHA.
2. Placid/peaceful love life: boring.
3. My lover will cater to my every whim. Problem is, I have no lover. Perhaps Johnny Depp will fly all the way to Singapore and ditch Vanessa for me? HAHA.
4. Instead of taking painkillers, explore other alternatives. Panadol is truly not working on me anymore. I need alternatives. Definite.
5. Cannot spare money/lodging to sibling/cousin/aunt. Maybe that refers to DA YI MA, where she will come, and I will reject, and so I will have a period-less month. YES.
6. Plastic surgery. Even the Gods think i'm in dire need of liposuction. OH NOOOO!

Just random stuff. HAHA.