A slight departure

This is a slight deviation from my normal posts.

If you're not into rants and posts full of anger and resentment, then I suggest you scroll down a little bit more to the next post.

I'm quite annoyed. I tried to avoid participating in arguments but when the filament snaps, I just can't keep quiet. Why is my self-control so ... weak?

As said to many of my close friends, I must be a serial killer who killed happy families in my past life to deserve such a dysfunctional family now. Going into details will be quite redundant because why hang your dirty laundry in public right? Traditional Chinese mindset ingrained since young and kicking in right now.

Nobody listens when you talk.
You are only visible when help is needed.
No presents, no cards, no greetings. Yes the yearly birthday cakes but what's the use when the sincerity's absent? Of course the man in the house sighed when asked to come out to partake in your 5-minute birthday celebration.
Your maternal family sees you eternally as that 11-year-old brat who always creates problems.
Your paternal family ... well, what paternal family?

The list goes on.

But I'm still here. I'm still sensible and I'm still sane.

My life outside this house keeps me going. Then when I step into this hellish abode of mine, my heart stiffens and I start feeling suffocated. It's overwhelming but all I can do is go inside my room, close the door and have earphones ready.

I cry a lot at home. I refuse to cry in public. A strong exterior that's painstakingly built to mask the frail recesses.

Why am I annoyed?

Because till now, I'm unable to break out of the "why" bubble. Why is my family like this? Why am I born into such a family? Why am I treated this way?

I need to change this to a "how" bubble. How can I avoid this? How can I help? How can I get out? How can I make it less difficult? How can I ignore the ill treatment?

Nope. Not even close.

That's why I'm annoyed.

It is a gloomy Thursday night indeed.