Insecurities

It's one of those annoying rituals once again. One in which you feel extremely disgusted with every inch of your existence, one in which you just want to hide in a corner and cry.

I know I'm not ugly, but the twisted society keeps reminding me of how I don't belong. It's a society where everyone judges everyone else from the surface.

Just the other day, I was observing a young girl, not older than 15, and she was rather curt with her words. She was passing remarks about practically everyone in the train and her friend just stupidly agreed with her every word. Then a rather plump girl came in and she was wearing shorts that didn't flatter her figure at all and instead made her look fatter. Thank goodness I had my shades on because I was staring at her so much. I have to explain myself here. I was staring because I was comparing myself to her and thinking if I was fatter than her or not. The young, rather rude girl was not so apologetic, she immediately commented harshly about her size. Then, the plump girl bent down to tie her shoelaces, and once again this young girl commented on how she was being a nuisance to the public by taking up so much space.

I feel sorry for the plump girl because that was how I was treated growing up and because of that I have almost negligible confidence in myself; constantly looking at the mirror and finding fault with what's looking back just to ensure that I can avoid such brusque comments.

The fact that I have gained weight over the past 2 years also do not make things better. I feel judged incessantly by people I know and don't.

I'm surrounded by skinny girls and guys who think that being skinny is the norm. How to feel good in myself you tell me?

Yes I know I shouldn't give a damn about how people think but for a person that lack so much self-love, I only can depend on others for assurance, and I'm not getting much.

I feel sad now...